I have, near religiously, been following the @BitchesLuv Twitter handle as of late. Not just because it’s hilarious (that’s about 41 percent of my reasoning), but more so to wait for an inaccuracy “Luv” that I may be able to refute.
Sadly, there isn’t much (though some inappropriate and targeting the CoEds out there).
Citing everything from “rain boots” to “house parties,” “lazy Sundays” to “taking ‘selfies,’” this handle pretty much nails all-things-B*tches.
Sure, we’re predictable. Despite our moodiness and incessant need to follow and change with the trends. But you brothers? Not so different.
As such I bring you: my take on a @BrothersLuv….
@BrothersLuv: Decorative Packaging.
Doesn’t matter if it’s the same brand, make or model – put that product into a new (colorful? Loud. Shiny? Athlete-endorsed? Easy to grab-and-go) packing and brothers be all over that.
“Ha, dude – back in school when…”
“There was once, when…”
“A guy I knew back in…..”
“This time at ____ (insert former education, professional, personal interest affiliation)
Could be a job, school, a club, a sports team, party, an event, a former bro, a trip or vacation with their fellow comrades….
Doesn’t matter the site, scene or players: brothers love recounting stories from the days of yore.
Saying goes “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
This saying does not apply to brothers.
Brothers love version 2.0 (also, 3.0, 4.0 and 2k12). They love sequels. They love re-watching old stuff replay with new commentary.
But it’s updates. So obviously, it’s better.
RBIs, voting records, little-known-facts, pointless digits.
Brothers love spewing numbers and statistics in your face. This bodes well for people like me who gravitate toward the written word as opposed to numbers and have failed for 20-some years trying to understand how to keep score in golf.
One could call it “subliminal optimism.”
Another may call it “hoarding.”
If there’s a plethora or extra resource within an arm’s reach, brothers help themselves before they’re close to completion with current stockpile.
Case in point: you’re seated at a group-dinner setting with a few pitchers of booze milk at the center of table, as well as a sharing-size appetizer. Before his plate or glass is half-empty, BOOM. Like magic, it’s FULL again before close-to-empty.
Girls are all about accessorizing themselves with purses, shoes, jewelry and their spaces with pictures, knick-knacks and keepsakes.
Hate on our “collections,” of bags all you want, brothers. You’re no different.
You are the ones to whip out sunglasses inside at a moment’s notice.
You’re also the sucker who buys the random (pointless, likely noise-making) desk accessory by the cash register. Electronic accessories that serve no purpose (that is, unless you happen to have a ton of spare time on your hands to configure, charge, recharge, reconfigure, reset and restore)? You’ve got three!
How many keyrings are necessary for a like, three keys?
It’s as if all brothers have nervous ticks. Or, the natural reflex to see a button and feel a need to push it “just to see what it does.”
No, no one texted or called, or emailed, or tagged you since you last pushed the round/ Home Screen button on your iPhone…38 seconds ago.
@BrothersLuv: Picking Sides
There’s no such thing as neutrality to brothers (it’s like the concept of Sweden is lost upon them). Not necessarily to be confrontational, but brothers be all one-upping each other in nearly every aspect of life. Sports teams, politicians and political affiliations, views on culture, geographic locations, American versus foreign (anything), food…. I could go on.
Bottom line: a brother is always right.
Anyone in the world who disagrees with him? WRONG.
Others? Share ‘em.
Don’t get me wrong. Brothers are lovely people; yet, just as at-fault as us Bi*ches for loving the same…sh*t as the next.